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How to free yourself from failure’s funk

Failure is downright awful. It can leave us in a funk, feeling vulnerable, alone, and defeated. In my work as a career coach for ½ñÈճԹϒs Career Center, I’ve heard statements from students and recent alumni like, “I’ve applied to 100-plus jobs, and I haven’t gotten an interview” or “I’ve gotten to the final round of interviews for three companies, and I didn’t get an offer.” What can you do to free yourself from failure’s funk when a job search isn’t going your way? Apply this sequence from my book “Faceplant: FREE Yourself from Failure’s Funk”: Focus, Reflect, Explore, and Engage (FREE).

1. FOCUS on the failure

We don’t tend to bring failure into the light. We’d rather hide it, but really the best thing we can do to begin releasing failure’s grip is acknowledge what’s going on, so we don’t get stuck. Set a timeframe to do this, so you don’t turn focusing into wallowing. The length of the timeframe will most likely depend on the emotions associated with what is happening with your job search. For some people it’s a few hours. For others it may be a few days. Some suggestions: Pull out a notebook and start writing. What are the feelings associated with being rejected? Call a trusted friend or talk with a career coach, and share what happened and how you feel. By focusing on what has occurred instead of pushing it away, we begin to separate the facts from the story we’re likely to create in our heads.

2. REFLECT on your reaction

We can have an automatic emotional response to our failures, especially when we have an unrealistic expectation combined with an undesirable outcome. We might push harder to get something to happen when maybe we would be better off stepping back, or maybe we blame the failure on someone or something else. Is your automatic response to your job search going sideways taking you down one of these paths? Look thoughtfully at your expectations.

3. EXPLORE your options

Redefine what failure means. You failed at securing a job, but you are not a failure. When in the heat of failure, we can sometimes prevent our automatic emotional response from kicking in by stopping for a minute, taking a deep breath, or meditating. That pause allows us to have compassion for ourselves and opens the possibility of considering other options to move us forward. Remember, we don’t have complete control over every aspect of our job search. However, we can explore options that are within our control, like taking better care of ourselves, networking, considering other roles, or getting support from a family member, friend, or professional.

4. ENGAGE in flipping the script

Flip failure into learning. Using some of the options you explored in the last step: What is something new you could try in your job search? Is there a small experiment you could run? Would it be beneficial to focus more time and energy on networking and less on applying to open roles? Is there someone in your life that could be a great support to you if you reached out?

These are just a few suggestions to support you in creating a new narrative for yourself. Failure is often part of the job search process, but handling that failure powerfully can lead to achieving future success.

NOËL KREIDLER, co-author of “Faceplant,” is the director, Career Development & Campus Integration at the Career Center. ½ñÈÕ³Ô¹Ï alumni can also get support during a job search through utilizing the resources provided on the Career Center website, the Bronco Exchange online networking platform, and Career Center appointments.